by Arielle Sloan
In every romantic comedy, there are two guys:
- The jerk
- The really nice, good-looking guy
Now, to our great societal shame, and as we already all know, the protagonist always chooses the first and rejects or ignores the second. And in case you’ve never seen this phenomenon, check out Sense and Sensibility, A Philadelphia Story, His Girl Friday, Becoming Jane, You’ve Got Mail, Ever After, Sweet Home Alabama, Runaway Bride, The Notebook, 27 Dresses (the last one takes on that principle with reversed gender roles), or any other chick flick ever made. The only movie where the protagonist truly makes the logical decision is While You Were Sleeping, and that was only because the jerk was unconscious for most of it. Unconscious!
The truth is, we love the story of the jerk, especially if the jerk changes his ways. We love to hate him, and then we love to watch him transform. I say “we” because I’m a sucker for these things myself. In fact, I distinctly remember sitting in front of a rom com one evening, scarfing down pretzels and yelling something at the screen like, "why do you insist on hanging around her? You KNOW that she doesn't like you! There are at least six other characters on this show who have serious crushes on you!" And yet, I remember, I insisted on watching her subsequently shoot him down for his wealthy competitor because I thought the wealthy competitor was attractive.
Actually, now that I’m taking this trip down memory lane, I should tell you what happened next that night, because this gets me to my point. While lecturing this character on screen, my phone buzzed. It was a text from a Dude. He had written something like, "we're going to hang out. Want in?"
I thought the idea might be fun.
Then, I read the text again.
The word "we're" caught my eye. The gears clicked in my brain. I had a realization. "Oh no," I muttered under my breath. "He is inviting that other girl to hang out, too. Again."
Allow me to explain something about that text. Some time ago, Dude had decided that it was appropriate to hang out with two girls that he liked...at the same time...every day (guys, please, never do this). He couldn't make up his mind in deciding which of us he liked, so he wanted to compare us side by side. You know, like picking up two brands of cereal and comparing the nutrition facts on the back. Because that doesn’t mess with a girl’s self-esteem at all.
Always the king of efficiency, he planned these outings with “competition” in mind. He took us to social events. He took us to sporting events. He had us eat and talk and sing in the car, no doubt judging and comparing us as the minutes passed.
Where, you ask, is my sense of fun and adventure? Why can’t I just roll with it? Well, back in my younger days, believe me, I could have. But let’s be honest. I’ve been involved in so many of these things, I knew I was outdone. She was young, pretty, reckless, and "girly." And I was older, boring, and stubborn. I ate pickles for breakfast. No contest.
Yes. Looking at that text in that moment, I knew that I was likely the "nice girl." I was being compared to "cooler girl." I had jumped into a real life rom-com, and if I didn’t want to be the supporting character who ended up teary-eyed and eating Ben and Jerry’s on a couch watching one of the very same rom-coms listed above in a week, I’d have to act fast.
So, I put the phone close to my face, squinted at the key pad, and typed back: "Sorry, busy."
Did anything happen after that? Heck yes. He started dating the other girl. I was right. Had I still been involved in the situation a week later, I would have been crushed! Getting out early, however, I moved on fast. No problemo.
Nice guys and girls, these are my two cents, which, of course, you should always take with a grain of salt: quit the “comparison hang-out” lifestyle while you still can! Recognize the signs that you are being judged next to a person who is likely jerkier than you. If your crush:
- Talks about another potential significant other in front of you all the time,
- Hangs out with both of you simultaneously, and/or
- Treats you differently than the other person (ie, flirts with them but not with you),
You may need to jump ship.
Now, you may ask, “if the jerk always wins, why shouldn’t I just become one?” First off, the jerk does not always win. Remember, for every successful Fitzwilliam Darcy, there’s a Charles Bingley.
But really, the answer to this question was stated most eloquently by Jimmy Stewart in the classic film Harvey (just replace the word “smart” with “selfish”): “My mother used to say to me . . . , “[i]n this world, . . . you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.’ Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.” In real life, people who are kind are much happier and better loved than jerks, and if someone can’t decide between you and a jerk, they’re blind.
So, look for someone who sees you for the amazing person you are. You deserve to be treated like a priority…not like a brand of cereal.