Happy New Year, everyone!
Arielle and I have decided to sit down and write some resolutions for you about how we will make our dating lives better in 2016. We've called in some family members to give us some past resolutions of theirs as well. Since most of them are married, it must have worked for them, right? A few of these are also resolutions we wish others had made before taking us out, but mostly they are our own confessions.
To protect the guilty, we won't tell you whose resolutions are whose, and will leave "why" some of these are resolutions to your imaginations.
I relsolve not to...
- Introduce my family by showing my date a family portrait and listing off which ones have diabetes and heart disease. Especially if everyone in the picture has diabetes and heart disease.
- Instinctively jump away and scream "NOOO!" if my date asks if it would be all right to kiss me.
- Comment that Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" is awesome because it "is JUST like my life!"
- Demand my dates get their flu shot, even if it is the responsible thing to do.
- Say that I'm a hip hop dancer, because my date may ask me to show them.
- Judo kick my date if he gets annoying.
- Convince my first date to move to another state.
- Diagnose my dates, even if they ask.
- Do my taxes on a date.
- Make hooting noises below my date’s window.
- Bring up politics just because a conversation isn't going anywhere. It backfires.
- Say yes to a first date with a dude who wears lederhosen.
- Run errands on dates.
- Mother first dates by suggesting they move out of their mother's house.
- Invite all of my family and friends to join us on our second date.
- Jokingly ask my date if his family member is in prison, because in fact, it may turn out, they are.
I resolve to...
- Tell my date if I'm highly allergic to the ice cream we just bought.
- Discuss my date's dating history early enough that I'm not surprised when he moves across the country with his ex-girlfriend the next day.
- Tell my date I'm lost on the way to their house even if I've been there like three times.
- Tell my date when I need to use the bathroom.
- Give my extended family a heads up, if I date two guys in a row that look really similar, about the new one before I take him to a family wedding.
Have any resolutions of your own? Leave them in the comments!