Woman with Dating Fatigue, courtesy of Google
This week I was talking with a friend about all of the experiences that we have had ‘out there’ in the dating world. For some, who marry by age 25, it just seems so strange to struggle with dating. After all, for them, it was so easy. Well, if you’re not in that group, or wish to be educated, read on friends, read on…
Sometimes I just get tired of being ‘out there’ dating. And I feel exhausted. And then I remember some of the actual experiences I’ve had…in no particular order:
- multiple crushes who have ended up married to friends
- a guy who was really flirty with me and calling me frequently (until his wife found out and called me); thank goodness we never dated
- being cheated on by a boyfriend
- creepy guys (multiple) who do things like wear capes in public who ask me out and say things like ‘I want to be your Luke Skywalker’ with no sense of irony
- being dumped over the phone by someone who once said they wanted to marry me
- guys (multiple) who are my dad’s age asking me out
- falling in love with men who I really shouldn’t have so I’ve had to end things
- being rejected and blown-off/stood-up in numerous ways
- meeting someone online and after a few dates finding out they are pathological liar
- meeting someone ‘great' in person after a long non-dating spell only to find out they are an addict and separated but not divorced
And this isn’t even a complete list.
If you want to have an eye-opening experience, ask a single person in their 30’s what they’ve seen ‘out there.’ You might decide you want to work harder to save your marriage if you are married. :)
I’m not sharing these things because I want pity. And I fully acknowledge that many people have had way worse experiences then these. I am sharing them so a) single people know that we all have bad experiences b) married people understand that these things really do happen c) in a way it’s kind of funny in a ‘you-have-to-be-kidding-me’ kind of way to see these things from my life in a list.
So, how do I deal with it?
Well, I take breaks from focusing on it so much. I do things I love to do like travel. I hang out with girlfriends and commiserate. I laugh a lot and cry too. I actively work on removing the baggage of these bad experiences from my life. And I try to remember to be kind to myself, there is nothing wrong with me and I have learned a lot. And I also remember that I don’t know what’s ahead and that maybe there is a person out there for me—ready to help me replace these bad date experiences with great date experiences. In general, I try to stay open…and give myself permission to relax and recharge. And when I do go on a date I listen to "Eye of the Tiger" just to get ready. 'Cause you never know...